Chapel Hillbillies Win Third Fantasy Bowl in Four Years

(Raleigh, NC) The Fantasy Bowl XIV party started in Raleigh, but for the second straight season, it ended on Franklin Street in Chapel Hill. The Chapel Hillbillies’ bend-but-don’t-break defense barely even bent on Fantasy Bowl Sunday, putting on a clinic in their 33-16 victory over the Raleigh Roughhousers. MVP Peyton Manning threw for three touchdowns in earning his second ring with the Hillbillies.

“What a great feelin’, man. I just wanted to make Coach Maske proud,” said Manning through a shower of corn mash. “It took a long time for me to get my rhythm back this season, and get on the same page as my receivers. Once we figured out that we were using different playbooks, things made a lot more sense. By the way, did you know that if you’re not watching DirecTV, you’re missing out on a lot of the action!”

Hillbillies’ formerly-maligned GM Fred Maske choked back tears as he praised his players, “These are some of the hard-workingest guys I’ve never met. It’s so hard to repeat in this league, everyone is gunning for you and giving you their best shot. But I knew if we made it though those tough early weeks of the season, we could handle cupcakes like the Playboys down the stretch.”

Chapel Hill fans had grown accustomed to winning close games in come-from-behind fashion. Five of their eleven victories were by 3 points or less. The “Moonshine Miracles,” as they were dubbed by an unidentified drunken fan taking a wizz in the Top of the Hill elevator, led many to believe the Hillbillies would be overmatched regardless of which high-scoring Empire team they would face. The Roughhousers upset the Boomer Sooners to set up a rematch of Fantasy Bowl XI.

After falling behind 12-0 to the Greek Godfathers in the Jedi Conference Championship, The Hillbillies rallied late in the second half behind DeAngelo Williams’ 56-yard touchdown run, and then held off a drive led by pesky Jay Cutler as the final seconds ticked off the clock.

But no late game rally was necessary in the Fantasy Bowl as the Billies jumped out to a quick start behind QB Peyton Manning. His early touchdown pass to Dallas Clark set the tone and took the home crowd out of the game. Rushing touchdowns from Pierre Thomas and Kevin Smith sealed the deal and the Billies appeared to be on cruise control in the second half.

With their third Hoskins Trophy in four years, the Chapel Hillbillies can also lay claim to being the first dynasty of the PFL, but you’ll never hear it from GM Fred Maske.

“We’re a f%&king dynasty, chumps!” bellowed the humble owner. “I just matched Coack K, crackas! I’m Bill freakin’ Belicheck over here! I drank all your milkshakes! Now, do I have an iPhone app that’ll order me a bigger trophy case?”

QUICK HITS:

- This is the first year that the Chapel Hillbillies claimed the Jedi Conference Regular Season Championship. It was their third Fantasy Bowl Championship in four years, earning them the most in PFL history. (Polish Playboys, Serbian Serial Killers, and Piscataway Playaz each have two.) Just in case that hadn't been hammered home yet.

- Chapel Hill won its last five games of the season to clinch their repeat championship. Last year, they won their last four to sneak into the playoffs and win Fantasy Bowl XIII.

- Fred Maske enjoys writing about himself in the third person. Fred Maske is 3-0 in Fantasy Bowls.

- The Chapel Hillbillies are on a 15-4-1 streak dating back to week 13 of last season.